Jennifer Dennis, a 76-year-old widow from Georgia, thought she had found love again. After months of online conversations with a man claiming to be a doctor named Caleb, she was ready to start a new life with him in North Carolina. She wired $78,700 for their dream home and packed up her belongings. But when she arrived, she discovered the cruel truth – there was no Caleb, no house, and her life savings were gone (Crosby).
Jennifer’s story is just one of thousands that highlight the devastating impact of romance scams. In 2023 alone, Americans lost over $1.14 billion to these heartless schemes (Dickler). But how do intelligent, successful people fall victim to such deception?
The Perfect Storm: Vulnerability Meets Manipulation
Romance scammers are master manipulators who exploit basic human needs for connection and love. Dr. Theresa Payton, former White House Chief Information Officer, explains, “Scammers excel in understanding human behavior and emotional triggers, enabling them to manipulate victims effectively” (NoGoFallMAGA).
These fraudsters employ a range of psychological techniques to ensnare their targets:
Love Bombing: Scammers shower victims with affection and attention, creating an intense emotional connection in a short time. This overwhelming display of love is designed to cloud judgment and foster dependency.
Exploiting Loneliness: Many victims are widowed, divorced, or simply seeking companionship. Scammers present themselves as the perfect partner, filling an emotional void.
Creating a Sense of Urgency: By fabricating crises or time-sensitive opportunities, scammers pressure victims into making quick, emotionally-driven decisions.
Isolation: Gradually, scammers may attempt to distance victims from friends and family who might question the relationship.
The Illusion of Intimacy
Dr. Tracy Kitten, a fraud expert at Javelin Strategy & Research, notes, “Romance scams tend to be some of the more insidious because they prey on emotions” (Nordic Welfare Centre). Scammers craft detailed backstories and personas, often stealing photos and information from real people to create convincing profiles.
They engage in lengthy conversations, sharing personal details and showing genuine interest in their victims’ lives. This creates a false sense of intimacy and trust. As one victim shared, “How he did it, I don’t know, but it all looked legitimate” (NBC Chicago).
The Power of Hope and Cognitive Dissonance
Once emotionally invested, victims often struggle to accept the truth, even when presented with evidence of the scam. This is partly due to cognitive dissonance – the discomfort of holding two conflicting beliefs simultaneously. Victims may rationalize inconsistencies or ignore red flags to maintain their belief in the relationship.
Digital Deception: The Role of Technology
Social media platforms and dating apps have made it easier than ever for scammers to reach potential victims. With access to personal information and sophisticated AI tools, fraudsters can create highly convincing fake profiles and even manipulate video calls (U.S. Secret Service).
Breaking the Cycle: Prevention and Support
Recognizing the signs of a romance scam is crucial. Red flags include:
- Declarations of love within days or weeks of meeting online
- Reluctance or inability to meet in person
- Requests for money, especially for emergencies or travel expenses
- Inconsistencies in their stories or background (BioCatch)
For those concerned about a loved one, approach the situation with compassion. Liz Ziegler, Fraud Prevention Director at Lloyds Bank, advises, “Talking to a real-life friend or family member can be a good way to sense check what’s going on” (Lloyds Banking Group).
If you suspect you’ve been scammed, it’s essential to:
- Cut off all contact with the scammer immediately
- Report the incident to local law enforcement and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center
- Seek support from organizations like the AARP Fraud Watch Network or the Cybercrime Support Network’s Romance Scam Recovery Group (Jones)
A Call for Compassion
As a society, we must shift away from victim-blaming and recognize the sophisticated nature of these scams. Bryan Denny, whose photos have been used by countless scammers, emphasizes, “You can’t convince some people they’re being scammed no matter what evidence you provide to the contrary” (Comparitech).
Romance scams are not just about money – they leave deep emotional scars. By fostering open conversations and providing support, we can help victims heal and prevent others from falling into the trap of fake love.
Remember, genuine love doesn’t ask for money. It offers support, respects boundaries, and stands up to in-person scrutiny. In our increasingly digital world, maintaining real-world connections and trusting our instincts remains our best defense against those who would exploit our hearts for personal gain (BetterUp).
Works Cited:
BetterUp. “How to Connect With People: 10 Surefire Ways.” BetterUp, 21 Jan. 2025, www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-connect-with-people.
BioCatch. “5 Signs You May Be Dealing With a Romance Scammer.” BioCatch, 9 Oct. 2024, www.biocatch.com/blog/five-signs-of-a-romance-scammer.
Comparitech. “Nearly 57,000 Americans lose $638.6 million to romance scams.” Comparitech, 12 Feb. 2025, www.comparitech.com/blog/vpn-privacy/romance-scams/.
Crosby, Diane. “Romance scam: Widow swindled out of life savings, finds out she …” ABC7 Chicago, 22 Sept. 2023, abc7chicago.com/romance-scam-cary-nc-facebook-account-scammer/13815485/.
Dickler, Jessica. “Romance scams cost consumers $1.14 billion last year. It’s …” CNBC, 3 July 2024, www.cnbc.com/2024/07/03/heres-how-to-avoid-romance-scams-which-cost-consumers-1point14-billion-last-year.html.
Jones, Gwen. “Resources to Help Scam Victims Recover.” Fairfax County Government, Sept. 2024, www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/older-adults/golden-gazette/2024-09-resources-to-help-scam-victims-recover.
Lloyds Banking Group. “Romance scams rose by a fifth in 2023.” Lloyds Banking Group plc, 2 Feb. 2024, www.lloydsbankinggroup.com/media/press-releases/2024/lloyds-bank-2024/romance-scams-rose-by-a-fifth-in-2023.html.
NBC Chicago. “Photos of NBC Chicago employee stolen and used in international romance scam.” NBC Chicago, 17 Feb. 2025, www.nbcchicago.com/consumer/photos-of-nbc-chicago-employee-stolen-and-used-in-international-romance-scam/3674097/.
NoGoFallMAGA. “The Psychology of Scamming: Understanding Persuasion Techniques.” NoGoFallMAGA, 14 June 2023.
Nordic Welfare Centre. “The harsh realities of romance scams.” Nordic Welfare Centre, 5 June 2024.
U.S. Secret Service. “Stay Safe Online: Avoid Romance Scams.” U.S. Secret Service.